Always Been You

“Yeah that’s right,” he replied carelessly. “And because of what you felt for me – what we felt for each other. When I came near you, you felt an excitement so intense that you ceased to breathe -like you are feeling right now. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. And that should have been enough to make you stay”

He looked so angry. Katherine thought. The look wasn’t just in his eyes. It seeped through every shrug, every curl of lips she thought were the most perfectly created set of lips on earth.

She looked deeper, pathetically desperate to find something else. Something more. A reminder of those semi carefree years when they would walk together, talk about anything for hours, and resume conversations the moment they saw one another again.

But the man she knew had been replaced by a harder, edgier version of a Jensen Packard. Maybe it really was a bad idea coming to see him.

He grimaced and for some reason stared at her mouth for an eternity before his gaze swept away.

“How long have you held this…grudge, Jensen” she asked.

He didn’t hesitate. “Four and a half years, give or take.” he said.

Katherine’s heart dropped to her heels. A large part of her had hoped he would say that of course he didn’t hold a grudge. That she was being silly. That his cold messages and general attitude were her overactive imagination.Exclusive © content by N(ô)ve/l/Drama.Org.

But they weren’t. His stark words landed and burrowed deep, robbing her of breath until she tightened her gut against the acute loss.

“Then why am I here, Jensen?” Katherine asked. “Why didn’t you just tell me to piss off if you don’t care any more?”

“Because you have always been as stubborn as a mule when you get an idea into your head.” he replied smoothly. “Anyone else who believed I was cold and distant would have taken their business elsewhere. Instead here you are, thinking you can turn this around. Or is it because you want to lend credence to the assertion that I’m important to you?” His tone chafed.

“It wasn’t a lie.” she said softly. “I never lied about that. You were important to me”

“Yeah. Right.” Irritation snapped his spine straight.

“Watch it, Jensen,” Katherine replied. “or you will seriously piss me off with that tone that suggests I’m lying. You don’t want to believe it, then that is up to you and that cynicism you wear like a second skin. I know my truth. As for the implication that I have ulterior motives for not taking my business elsewhere, you are right. And why should I? Jonathan checked out your place before I came here. He said it was perfect for me, and I believe him. So pardon me for not wanting to cut off my nose to spite my face. I am not a liar, Jensen. You know that”

He appeared nonplussed for a moment.” “Fine. Calm down. Are you quite done?” he asked.

“No.” She said, “I’m not done talking, Jensen” His lips tightened but he didn’t forestall her. He just stared at her.

She had let too many things go for far too long. She thought. First by being too afraid to ever dig beneath the surface with Jensen to what she had really wanted. Then with Mitch and all the signs she should have heeded when things had started to go bad and he had turned from sarcastically cruel to deliberately verbally abusive.

She watched Jensen. Outwardly, he appeared unaffected but years long experience had taught her that his still waters run deep and dangerous. He was also uncomfortable about something.

She turned and picked up her glass of wine still on the table. She took a large gulp of her wine, and totally denied it was for courage, even though it was.

“You have no right to be pissed at me Jensen” she said finally.

“I don’t?” he asked. Sounding kinda surprised.

“Yeah that is right, you don’t” she moved even closer to him, looking up at him. She was aware of every cell in her body, every stretch of heated skin as she had never been before. Also aware of his intense scrutiny as his gaze raked her from head to toe and back again.

She was treading dangerous, familiar waters. She didn’t know where she was getting the courage from, but she guessed it was from the anger beginning to boil inside her ”

“You think you are the only one who has something to be angry about? Don’t you? Well, I do too. And I don’t blame you for not realizing that because if you weren’t such a selfish asshole, you would?”

Jensen smiled. And it annoyed her the most. She didn’t want him smiling and looking happy. She wanted him to hurt like she was hurting right now.

“What about that night you walked away from me, Jensen? Did you ever stop to think about how I felt then? Huh?” she asked.

“I never stopped thinking about it, Kat”. It was the first time he had called her that in a really long time. He thought. he wanted to resent the shortened nickname that reminded him so much of their past. Of laughter and secret angst. Of beauty and betrayal. Of daring to stretch the limits of friendship and ending up with nothing.

Katherine blinked. She didn’t want him calling her that. Too many memories. Her tongue slid out almost of its own accord. She licked her lower lip, and Jensen’s gaze followed the slow, languorous movement with eyes that grew steadily heated.

His thumb rose to her chin, drifted at leisure over her lower lip as he continued to watch her with dark, hooded eyes.

“I never stopped thinking about it… I did what I thought was right” he said. “I didn’t what to hurt you”

“Well, it doesn’t matter because you did anyway. And you don’t see me throwing a tantrum like you are doing right now. How is what you did that night any different from what I did?”

“It’s not the same,” he said.

“Oh yeah, then what the hell makes it so different?”

“I thought I was protecting you, Damm it”

“Well, I didn’t need you to do that for me. I was more than capable of taking care of myself and deciding what I wanted. I didn’t need you to protect me from anything… In Fact, if there was someone I needed to be protected from, it was you”