Always Been You

He stood so close, all she could smell was his scent. His words were teasing, but his eyes were-well, not so much. There was a heat in them she wasn’t ready for. She swallowed hard. There really wasn’t anywhere for her to go if she stepped back. And darn it, she didn’t want to step back.

“Um. Okay.” She spun around quickly and pulled the plates out of the cupboard. “I’ll dish it up, you can serve it. That work for you?” she asked.

Her voice was a little too high and her hand a little too unsteady, so the plates rattled against each other as she set them down.

Jensen stepped back and she moved around him to grab the salad. She pulled out two bottles of salad dressing, ranch and Italian.

“Which, if either, do you like?” she asked.

“Ranch is fine,” he said. “Does Tim get any?”

“Tim is not really a fan.” she replied.

He chuckled and the sound hit her down low. Very, very low. Goodness. She turned to the stove and managed to dish up the fragrant, gooey casserole without spilling any. Her handoffs to Jensen were carefully managed so she didn’t accidentally touch his hand. If he noticed she was being overly careful in her movements, he didn’t let on.

“What would you like to drink?” she asked him as she turned to the fridge. “I don’t really have any man drinks.” She hadn’t stopped to buy anything, either, thinking it would be too much. In fact, she’d done a great job of overthinking everything about what was supposed to be just a friendly dinner.

He arched a brow as she put the half gallon of chocolate milk on the counter. “Man drinks?” he repeated. “I can’t have chocolate milk, too?”

Her face burned. That had been a stupid way to put it. “Oh. Of course you can.”

He moved in a little closer. “I’m just teasing,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.

Water is fine.”

She busied herself with the drinks and was relieved when Jensen left the kitchen. She gathered up the glasses and joined them at the table. Rufus, she noticed, had lain down underneath it. He didn’t lift his head from his paws, but he did thump his tail.

Tim was peering under the table. She managed not to smile. “Tim, You need to eat, then you can play with Rufus. Okay?”

Jensen jumped in. “He doesn’t mind waiting. I fed him before we came over here.” he said.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

To Katherine , he said, “This is great. I’ve been having mac and cheese from a box for a while now.”

Katherine laughed. “I’ll make sure I tell my mom. It’s her recipe. I don’t prepare it a lot. Usually if Tim has mac and cheese, it’s from a box. But this version-” she stopped herself from saying ‘ is for special occasions’ and finished “-is for company.”

Tim was not to be deterred by small talk. “We can’t have a dog.” This was accompanied by a sideways look at Katherine.

She took a bite of her mac and cheese to cover her smile. Jensen glanced at her casually. “I wanted a dog when he was a kid, too.”

Tim frowned. “It’s kinda hard to believe that you were a kid,” he said. “You are so… Big”

Katherine nearly choked on her mac and cheese, and she heard Jensen’s muffled laugh.

“Of course he was, Tim,” she gasped. “All grown-ups were kids once.”

“I know,” Tim said, looking serious.

“You okay, Kat?” Jensen asked, amusement in his gaze. .

“Fine,” she managed to reply. She reached for her water glass. Kids and their impeccable timing.

Jensen told Tim stories about his childhood, before his parents died. About the dog he never did get, though not for lack of trying, and Katherine was relieved Jensen worded things in such a way as not to encourage him to take matters into his own hands. The last thing she needed was to have Tim decide to get a dog on his own, which was actually how his story about wanting a dog had ended. His parents had made him return the puppy.

When the main course was over, she brought in the box of cookies and let Tim choose one beautifully decorated sugar cookie. Jensen had thoughtfully bought the cookies in the shapes of trains and trucks, which were a hit, of course.

When Tim went to wash up, she began to clear the table.

He helped her pick up the plates, but she shooed him out of the kitchen. “It’ll only take me a few minutes to do this.” she said.

Also, she was far less likely to drop something if he wasn’t right there, taking up all the air in the room and making her nervous.

He put the plates in the sink. “All right. I’ll go play with Tim, if that’s okay.” he said.

“That’s fine,” she murmured, and tried not to focus on the rear view as he left the kitchen. She shut her eyes instead. Then opened them quickly when she realized how stupid she’d look, standing there with her eyes closed, if he turned and caught her.

Katherine heard the rattling of the Lego bricks as Tim opened the cartons, and then the chatter of their voices and the lower tones of Jensen’s. It was such a happy sound, but it still made her heart hurt.

It was like they were a family… but they weren’t. And she didn’t realize how much she wanted one till now.

She braced her arms on the counter and let her head fall forward. She shrugged her shoulders and focused on cleaning the kitchen. It was sweet of Jensen to make time for Tim.

She went out there after she’d put the last plate in the dishwasher. Truthfully, she could have waited on cleaning up. It was a pretty simple meal. But it was a kind of buffer between her and these feelings she was experiencing toward Jensen, and she just felt like she needed to shore up her defenses again. It was something that she had gotten used to after getting hurt. By him and by Mitch.