Novel Squares
Chapter 415
415 Heart to Heart
(Winona)
The sun is warm on my back as I kneel in the garden, tugging at weeds that have embedded themselves deep in the soil. Henry gurgles contentedly on the rug between Lisa and I, his tiny fists reaching for the mobile above him.
The sound of his laugh and squeals mingles with the rustling leaves, a stark contrast to the drama of last night. This is my peaceful place. In the garden, with my family and best friend.
The kids are off down in the wooded area behind the cottage, building what they insist is the "ultimate" fort. Every so often, a burst of laughter or the echo of a shouted command filters back, and it brings a smile to my face. At least they're not asking when dad will be home.
I can't answer that right now.
Lisa is sitting cross-legged in the grass, her hands idly plucking at stray blades of wayward weeds. She's watching Henry with a soft expression, but I can see the tension in her shoulders. She's been quiet for a while, and it's making me anxious.
I know we need to talk about how she really feels about Lance and I.
Finally, Lisa sets down the soda can she's been nursing, the clink of metal against stone breaking the silence. She doesn't look at me right away, just lets out a long sigh before meeting my eyes.
"So," she says, her voice steady but not as light as she probably intended, "are we ever going to talk about the whole... Lance thing? Because, you know, it's been eating at me a little overnight." The guilt I've been trying to suppress rushes back in a tidal wave, and I sit back on my heels, wiping my dirty hands on my jeans. "I was waiting for you to bring it up," I admit, my voice small.
I take a breath and continue, "I didn't want to push you But I don't want you to sugarcoat how you feel because you're worried about me and the baby either." I say honestly. "I'm sorry I've hurt you. I know you well enough to know that information did hurt you." "Well," Lisa attempts a smile, but it's tight, forced. "I'm not angry, okay? But I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting. Lance and I... we've always had this thing, even if it's never been a real relationship."
"I know that, and I know you love him."
"It's complicated. And I guess I'm just trying to understand why you'd choose him, of all people, knowing how it might affect your life and the people you love the most."
I look away. "I get it," I say quietly. "And you have every right to feel hurt. I didn't think it through, Lisa. I wasn't thinking about the impact on anyone but myself"
She leans back on her hands, studying me. "So why, Winona? Why Lance? Do you know now?" Her voice cracks just slightly, and it stings.
I swallow hard, struggling to find the right words. "I... I don't know. I wasn't thinking logically. That week, it was supposed to be about freedom, about exploring things I'd never done."
kson, I mean if it wasn't for me, you would never have come up with the hall pass week idea. Maybe
I smile ever. You were right about needing that, it's just the way I executed it that failed."
I wanted that last hurrah before settling down with Jayden." My voice falters, and I glance at Henry, his tiny face peaceful and innocent. "But when it came to actually hooking up with a stranger, I couldn't do it. 114 wrong Exposed Scared, even." Lisa's eyebrows knit together. "But Lance made sense?
"He made it sound logical, I confess, "He's experienced, he could help me explore things safely."
"see, so he really did take advantage of the situation
1 didn't take much convincing so he's not all to blame. The idea excited me at that moment. There wouldn't be any emotional fallout for me because, for him, it was just.... another experience."
"Yeah, I know it well with him. No strings, no complications. No commitment."
I maglage a rueful smile. "Yeah. But he was right about one thing: he made me feel safe. Safe to try things always been too afraid to explore. It wasn't about hurting Jayden, not directly. But maybe, deep down, I did want to punish him a little. For all the secrets, for Ashlyn... for everything." Lisa's eyes soften, and she reaches over, squeezing my hand. "You're only human, Winona. You've been through hell and back. Wanting something for yourself doesn't make you a monster."
A tear slips down my cheek, and I quickly brush it away. "But I also slept with Phillip that week," I confess, my voice shaking. "That's the part I haven't told you. It wasn't just Lance who could hurt Jayden. I was so selfish, Lisa, I was thinking about me and only me." Her eyes widen. "Phillip? As in your ex-fiancé, Phillip?" The disbelief is back, but now it's tinged with shock. "Wow, was it a death wish you were on?"Text © 2024 NôvelDrama.Org.
"Does it help to say I also had crazy sex with Jayden that week?"
Lisa stares and then just bursts out into her wicked laugh. "Oh my god, girl...slayyyy!"
"It was reckless and stupid of me. Just doing whatever I wanted without thinking of the consequences."
"Welcome to my world." Lisa grins.
I nod but my shame flares up again. "Yeah. Everyone else seems to do what they want, without thinking of the consequences. I wanted that freedom too. But now? Now I see how reckless it was to Jayden's feelings and to yours." "What's done is done. Lance has been with a lot of women, a lot... I'm used to that. It's more about you and I, you know?
"I do know, I mean if it was you with Jayden..."
"Ewww."
"Exactly. But Jayden must be feeling so betrayed by Lance right now. That is on me."
"No. Not just you. Lance made that decision himself. He's always been into you." 2/3
"Don't say that."