I’m Just His Wife

was it Roxanne? I understand that he was very busy because he will return to work as soon as his family and I return to the Maldives. For sure, it was very tiring because he had a lot of paper works.

As for Seymour, I also understand that he was busy. He attends various meetings because their company has a new project. And as the CEO, he had to take care of it. So, given that reason for not coming to me.

And … Ivan. He doesn’t seem busy because he comes home early. His cellphone even rang when I called him. Maybe silent? But, it’s impossible because he doesn’t turn his phone into silent mode, if there were meetings, yes. But as far as I know, he didn’t have a meeting. Or … he just doesn’t really care about me?

Napairap ako. What else can I expect from that beast? I really have to get used to not asking for help from him because he won’t really help me. After all, that man was very angry with me.

But … I don’t care. He will take care of his life. She was a woman but my daughter should not take advantage of us. Because just in case, I can kill them with his hook even more itchy than a caterpillar and even thicker -faced in a thousand page book.

My thoughts were immediately erased when there was a knock on the door and a nod opened it. I looked at the front door and saw a female doctor with her hand in both pockets of her uniform and wearing a surgical mask.

I was swallowed. I’m nervous about what the doctor can say about my baby. Maybe he’s not gone, I can still feel him here in my stomach. But what if …

“Good evening, Mrs. De Leon …”

It was as if I was stuck in my bed when I heard her voice. Familiar … but impossible. That’s not him.

“Good … good evening doc …” even though I was surprised I tried to speak and greeted him.

“What happened to you, Mrs.? Why did you faint?”

“Ah, I’m dizzy, doc then … my stomach hurts …” I replied.

“I’ll be honest with you, Mrs.. Your pregnancy has been difficult since it’s been seven years since you got pregnant again. If you could, please avoid too much stress and fatigue. It will be with the baby and … it can fall apart … ”

I swallowed and leaned on the bed. How can I not be stressed e I always think of Ivan’s deception and despair of me. And one more thing, his asshole even lived in the house. How can I not be stressed right?

I took a deep breath and let myself cry. The doctor said goodbye and I just nodded at him. I need to be alone.

I closed my eyes tightly and touched my stomach. Baby, I’m sorry because you’re still feeling mommy’s problems. Just hold on, please? I need you, I don’t want you to lose me either.

I bit my lower lip. was this a sign that I should leave our marriage and just walk away?

I stayed in the hospital for another three hours before I was allowed to go home. I also called Seymour earlier to pick me up because I was a bit dizzy. Good thing, he already answered my call.

I took a deep breath and picked up my bag on the bed side table. I was able to get dressed as well. I’ll just wait outside for Seymour.

I was about to open the door when it suddenly opened. Seymour was then vomited panting and sweating profusely. Was he in a hurry to get here? The speed he also arrives.

I shook and wiped the sweat from his forehead with my palm. His eyes widened and he averted his gaze. I also saw the redness in his ear. Meaning, he was shy.

He sighed before speaking and I just stared at him. “I immediately went to the supermarket when I read your text. I asked at the supermarket if they saw you and someone told me that you fainted and a woman along with her … uhh, bodyguards took you away from that supermarket. Do you know who that woman was? ” Seymour asked.

I swallowed and thought. Women with bodyguards? Who the hell was that? Roxanne was impossible because she doesn’t bring bodyguards when she leaves.

I sighed. Whoever that woman was, I hope, I can meet her to thank her personally, for bringing me here in the hospital and for saving me and my baby. Without her, my baby and I might be in danger.

“I don’t know her too. The nurse said earlier that she just brought me here and … she left after that. She didn’t even give her name. So …” I shrugged and stopped added what I was saying.

He exhaled and nodded. He was ready to go home so I immediately agreed. The smell of the hospital was creeping me out. Since I was a child, I hate being in a hospital because of a … horrible event I experienced.

When we got out of the hospital we immediately walked towards the parking lot. When we reached his car, he helped me to get in the car carefully. I smiled at him in return. He turned around and got into the driver’s seat.

“Where do you want to go?” He asked and started the car.

My forehead furrowed but I also immediately sighed. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone home first because I still have resentment for Ivan. I am comfortable that Manang will not leave Ice at home and another, Lara was not at home.

“Uhm, at Roxanne’s condo? I want to stay there for a while. As I get older, it’s her day off now so … I want to go there first. I’ll just go home if I want to go home …” he decided I said.

He stared at me for a while, like he’s doubting that it’s really my decision. I just smiled at him then nodded. He then sighed and put my seat belt on. He started driving quietly.

Maybe it’s just right, to get me out of the house for a while. Because when I’m at home, I just remember the painful memories I had there. I really think, every corner of that house had an event that was very devastating to my heart.

Seven years of being Ivan’s wife was really painful. Every day that I became his wife I felt nothing but pain, and fear. Afraid of losing him to me. I did a lot of “desperate” things just for him to notice me … to at least care for me. Like, our first anniversary, I prepared a candle light dinner that day and I prepared our room. I made it all romantic.

But … he came late that time. He did nothing but to stare at my efforts. He even told me the most painful words that I’ve ever heard in my life …

“I will never love you. You’re a bitch desperate woman and a motherfucking relationship wrecker.”

I can’t do anything but to cry that time and knelt in front of him. Yes, I knelt down in front of him and begged us to fix our relationship but I received nothing but a crisp slap.

That first anniversary of our marriage had a lot of impact on me. Every time I remember that I can’t help but cry. I felt sorry for myself and I didn’t think I could do that thing. In the past, I did nothing but persevere in studying for my future and make my parents proud. I try everything I want and I get them. But why Ivan, I can’t get him? I’ve done it all, why can’t I still get her heart?

Sometimes, I”ll admit I get tired too. After all, on a daily basis, I receive only physical and emotional pain from him. Who doesn’t get tired there right? But every time I think about the outcome then, that he can love me too, I gain strength. The strength to try again.

I know that he loves Lara so much, to the point that he can give everything, he can sacrifice everything. But … why was that? Not even a little, he didn’t love me? Do I have no place in his heart, even at the very end?

Because … it hurts so much. That guy looks like I’m going to die of a serious illness. I try to fight even though I know I’m the only one fighting but I’m weakening because of the pain. Because … I love him, I love him more than myself. I gave everything to him and for me, he was my life.

I knew there was only one solution to this, I quit. But how can I let go if I can’t? I can no longer afford to be hurt and I can no longer afford to leave him.

I’m confused … I don’t know what to do anymore …

***Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

Rigella’s POV

“Drink first, best …” Roxanne laid a glass of milk on the center table.

I smiled at her and sipped the milk. Seymour had just left to go to the office. He insisted earlier that he would accompany me here but I asked him to leave because I knew he had a lot of work to do. It’s good that I forced him because it’s obvious that he really wants to accompany me here.

I also had good timing because Roxanne was still awake and watching TV. He said he was taking advantage of his day off because one day he was at work again. I can’t blame her either, she doesn’t really want to be an engineer. It was just his second choice and what he really wanted was to be an accountant. Just in case, engineering was what his parents want for him so he has no choice but to follow.

“Get rid of that idiot …” said Roxanne who in turn surprised me.

I first lowered the glass to the center table and sighed.

“I love her, Roxanne … then Ice, I’m just worried about the child-“