The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

He made a series of deep thrusts and later on, all I could feel was him, stretching my nerves while pleasingly stabbing my body. My tears kept on rolling that I couldn’t control them. What he was doing kept on shaking my whole being and cruelly ending my dreams.

He continued pounding on top of me while letting out a few moans of satisfaction and relief. I didn’t want to hear him with my eyes closed and my head slouched. I couldn’t look at him overpowering with lust even though the surrounding was so dark. I had been trapped under his bulky body too many times. His pleasure increased and so his grip on me, making him reach the peak of his desire.

It really hurts me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was totally drained. I guessed it would ruin my entire life. After this, I would never want to live again. I would never look to the future the same way again.

I opened my eyes, and he was still ravaging my body. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, as my brown orbs were fixed on the ceiling I could not even see. As my virginity tore apart, he released something inside me while still thrusting non-stop. I didn’t have a choice, what happened would surely leave me a horrible mark-one that could traumatize my past. A dark mark that would not be easily gone. With his every thrust, I continued to feel less of a woman.

Now, I left with nothing. In just an instant, I lost my honor, purity, and dignity to a rapist. In just a matter of seconds, my future was ruined.

I thought my suffering was over, but it was not. Although he untied my wrists from the headboard of the bed, I could feel nothing-my whole body seemed to be numb and disoriented. It came to a point where I no longer cared about what he would do to me next. That it would be better if he would just kill me so that this torture could finally end.

He repeatedly claimed my body that night as if he was not getting tired of it. When he got enough, he was panting while resting on top of me. He waited for his breathing to become steady before he laid his body beside me, hugged me so tight like I was a piece of his possession until he fell asleep.

Everything hurts now. Every damn little thing. It seemed like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. Long after my tears had dried and my lacerations put me into tatters, I no longer yearned to see the dawn.

Quickly dragging myself away from the bed, I was out of breath as if I ran a thousand miles. That caused my whole body to profusely sweat. As I heaved a deep sigh of relief, I had released all the stiffness lurking inside my chest due to unfathomable nervousness.

“Oh! Thank, God. It was just a dream again!” I muttered while sullenly rubbing my forehead.

I had been dreaming about that weird scenario for two years already. With so many explicit details, everything seemed to be true like it happened in real-life. It was the same nightmare that I did not know, nor comprehend, what was the real connection with me.

Our mother was kind and understanding, but when I told her once about this kind of dream, she ended up scolding me. She suspected me of imagining lascivious acts and even accused me that I might have already leveled up my performance in the club.

She also blamed me for allegedly reading pocketbooks related to sex and watching movies that contain pornography! I would end up smiling while convincing her that I would never do those kinds of things. Mom was nice, but sometimes, she was overreacting.

So, even that nightmare would visit me a few more times, my mouth was zipped as I would not speak about it… but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t affecting me.

There was no single day that I wasn’t thinking about that dream. It was clear, but at the same time, vague. The scenes were always like that, and nothing changed even from the start. That dream would always make me question myself about a lot of things, like…

Why do I keep on dreaming about it when my mind wasn’t even obscene?ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

Why would I dream about it when it didn’t happen to me? And there was no chance I would prefer that rape to ever happen to me.

Glancing over my bedside table, I grabbed my cellular phone to look at the time. It was already six in the evening. I set aside my thoughts because I had to go to work. My duty was every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, from eight to ten in the evening. Today was Saturday. The two-hour duty plus the time I spent commuting were nothing compared to what I could earn for these hours.

My head still hurts because we spent the night at the house of my classmate and friend, Karen, to finish our thesis. We were three in the group, and the other one was Lorenz. It was just a documentary thesis for now, but the final defense would happen in the next term.

The school administration had decided to implement a thesis for the first time in the Accountancy course, and it was just too unlucky for us that it happened on our batch. I got home by ten in the morning, and I slept past one in the afternoon due to the extreme heat, although it was already September-the start of supposed to be cold ‘ber’ months.

After dragging myself away from the bed, I went straight to my comfort room. I bathed for almost an hour and prepared myself to go to work. Wearing a black sleeveless lacy top, I paired it with a white blazer and faded blue pants.

I have shoulder-length wavy hair and just let my strands fall freely while smiling at my reflection in the vanity mirror. Having been blessed with large breasts at size 36B, as much as possible, I didn’t wear anything that would potentially expose my cleavage. I just put on some face powder and lipstick, and I was all set.

My room was located on the second floor of our bungalow house, and when I went downstairs, I went to Mom’s bedroom first to check on her. It was a good thing that she was already sleeping soundly.

After that, I went to the kitchen and ate the food that Mom had prepared for me-it was rice and fried chicken. Most likely, my two siblings were already done eating because there was a pile of dishes again in the sink. I ended up washing them because I didn’t want to see anything dirty.

I was about to leave when I saw David Cristoff in our small living room-he was one of my siblings. He was second to me, and our youngest was Denise Camille. All of our names began with the letters D and C. We couldn’t blame our mom though. Our mom, Cecille, might be really in love with Dominic, our late father.

“I’m currently running for the class valedictorian, big sis!” he announced while winking at me.

“Really, Dave? Wow, that was indeed great news! You will surely get a full-scholarship grant in college… and of course, you should go to a better university than the Quego del Mar Public University. I’m so proud of you!” I ecstatically told him. At the same time, I messed up his hair. It was already evening, yet his hair was still gelled and on posture as if he would court a girl by this time.

At least, the hard feeling of studying and working at the same time was somehow lessened because of what my brother had told me. It was such a nice feeling that my siblings were not rebel and disobedient, even though they could sometimes forget to wash the dishes. Because of that, my headache suddenly left me, and I was ready to enjoy working again. David would soon step into college, so I had to earn more money and continue to do my best.

Of my two siblings, only David knew that I was a club dancer. I let him know the situation, and despite his young age, he quickly understood it. I also promised him that once I graduated from college, I would stop working in the club and would become one of the sought-after accountants in the country.

He would like to stop going to school to help me with work, but that was one of the things that I would never allow him to do. I told him that he could do that when he finished college too.

On the other hand, Denise was too young to understand these kinds of things. Maybe, time would come that I wouldn’t be able to do it alone, that was why I didn’t have the right to complain about going to work. I had to save for her future… for their future.