The Love That Passed

Colleen’s POV

I stayed at Jared’s mansion and didn’t leave my room if it wasn’t necessary. It has been a week since we lived together, the maids arrived and I didn’t face any problem with him. It’s funny, how are we going to face problems when we never see each other?

As Jared’s wife, I wake up early in the morning to prepare something for him for breakfast. I told Betty not to tell him about it because he may not eat it if he finds out that I was the one who made it. At night, I see to it that he has food to eat when he comes home. But he didn’t eat it at all. In the morning, I prepare his clothes for work. At least I can do simple things for him and it was up to him whether he would accept it or not.

Doing my duty as his wife was difficult in a sense that he didn’t like that I was doing it. I was hoping that he will just cooperate with me and not make any more demands and be civil with each other. We can be friends if not real lovers, after all I didn’t want to hurt him in the end. A friend on the other hand can make the remaining days in my life meaningful.

Months have passed and I have my regular check-up with Dr. Gerard. He was excited when he saw me, “What are you happy about?” I asked him enthusiastically.

He grinned and replied, “I have good news for you.” This time in my life, the only good news that I want to hear is that I am completely healed. But I know that was far from reality so I asked him to cut the thrill that I was feeling.

“And that is?”

“You don’t even want to guess?” he asked and I laughed.

“You know that I am not allowed to feel so much joy so I wanted to keep my feelings neutral.” I answered and he nodded with a smile on his face.

“I was so s***** to forget that. Anyway, the center for organ donors had called me and said that there was an available heart that matches yours.” Dr. Gerard told me excitedly. I was speechless and for a moment, I didn’t know what I was going to say. I got teary eyes and I finally felt the sun shine upon me.

“Are you alright, Colleen?” Dr. Gerard asked, worriedly. I looked at him and I couldn’t keep my tears from falling down my face with a bitter smile on my face when I remember that I don’t have the money. Dr. Gerard explained to me before that I needed a complete rest before the surgery to condition my mind and body. And of course even after the surgery was done, I needed to stay in the hospital.

“Hey, why are you crying?” he asked again when I didn’t answer him the first time.

“I remember that I don’t have the money for it.” I told him and the smile on his face disappeared and I feel sorry for him that the excitement that was on his face suddenly disappeared. Then I laughed trying to ease her worry.

“Didn’t you get married to Jared so that you can ask him for money?” he asked. Now that he said that, I suddenly feel embarrassed and I don’t think that I will be able to ask him for money.

“Isn’t it shameful?” I asked him laughing and he creased his forehead.

“Colleen, I am not joking around. Knowing that you told me that you will only ask for money from your immediate family, I didn’t waste time and rushed to the institute and followed up daily for your donor. Don’t tell me that you have no intention of asking Jared for help.” he said trying to confirm what he thought. I nodded and he sighed in relief.

“Why?”

“I don’t think he is going to give it to me.”

“So you will only let this chance pass?” he asked and I’m sure that he was trying his best not to show his anger.

“Dr. Gerard, I know that you have been doing all your best to make me feel better and I was grateful for your effort. You don’t know how much I was thankful that you are my doctor. But,–” I told him and paused, giving me a smile of appreciation. “This is the decision that I decided to make. Don’t worry, because I will still try. I want to live or extend it for a few more years.” I added and I saw him look down and then nod his head.

Showing that I was feeling sorry for him will only make him feel worse so I had to appear happy, “I promise that I am going to convince him to give me money for my surgery.” I told him and he looked at me feeling relieved. Maybe he really wants to see me more.

“See to it that you do, Colleen. Don’t let my effort go to waste, please.” he begged and I smiled at him nodding. “All right, let’s do your check-up now.” he said and we started our usual laboratories.

“Every test was all looking good. Now, I want you to have a complete rest just in case we do the surgery. Do I make myself clear?” he said and I don’t think he will ever stop unless I give him a possible answer.

“Yes, Doc.” I replied, smiling. He was now relieved. I didn’t want to give him false hope but I didn’t want to see him disheartened. After my check-up, I went home. Although I have a problem with money for the surgery, knowing that there was an available heart for me, made me really happy and hopeful. Just as I promised to Dr. Gerard, I am going to try to ask Jared. I mean, I have nothing to lose if I don’t expect to. All I need to do is try.

So here I am, standing in his office door at home trying to gather my courage to disturb him. After a while of deep deliberation with myself I started to knock. “Come in,” he said so I did but prepared myself to be scolded or yelled at or whatever he will do to see me.

“What is it?” he asked, so I approached his table and stopped a little away from him. It was so hard that I almost thought that I was in a job interview or something.

“Hubby, can you lend me some money?” I asked immediately before I changed my mind. He glared at me after hearing it and said,

“Why would I give you money? Do you think just because I agreed to marry you, I will give you what you want just like that?”

“It was for something important,” I told him, still trying to make him agree. Now that I am standing before him, I will try my best to convince him, not just for myself. But also for Dr. Gerard who exerted so much effort in helping and sacrificing a lot for me.

“I already told you before that I will only provide you with your monthly allowance and nothing else. Unless it was a matter of life and death, I am not going to give you any.” he said. I didn’t know that he was like this.

“Well, it’s a matter of life and death. You will be able to help me greatly if you do me this favor.” I said, now a little hopeful. I will never get shy at telling him that because I want to live as well.

“Don’t tell me you’re dying, because I am not going to believe you. And if you do, why not just accept it, after all, I don’t want you here.” he said and I was really hurt. Is he even human? How can he say that to me? Even if he was this mad at me, I don’t think it was necessary for him to say those words to me.

I didn’t want him to see me in my weakest so I tried to collect myself and try harder to hold my tears. I will never let him see me crying. Even if I was going to die today, I am not going to let him see me in a worse state.

“All right, thank you.” I said and he looked at me. But instead of showing him my anger, I smiled at him. The one that I knew he would never think that I was deeply wounded. Then I turned around, but before I could get out of his office, he told me.

“You can apply for a loan if you really need the money, I’m sure that your monthly allowance will be sufficient to pay it off.” I hold the knob tight, trying not to break off. I cleared my throat and turned to look at him and said with a smile. “I didn’t want to avail a loan when there’s no possibility that I can finish paying it, after all, it was my life at stake here.” Then I turn to the door and open it. Left his room and I promised myself that I am going to find a way to save myself.

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