Trouble : Boston Bolts Hockey

“You sure you have to go?” Cade asks as Melina heads for the door, his lips turned down.

Although Cade wants her to stay, she really should head out. She and Lake have plans with a few other girls in town, and I’m fucking elated about it. She’s making friends in Bristol. Forming attachments outside of us.

It’s hard not to hope that maybe she’ll want to stay. That one day, she might see a life for herself here. With me. With Cade. With us.

I’ve gotten way too ahead of myself. I realize this. I have no idea what my best friend thinks of that idea. In all the years we’ve known each other, he’s never once suggested that he’s interested in settling down.

Even if she wanted to stay, and he wanted to settle down, I can’t even begin to imagine what a relationship would look like. Would our family and friends accept us? It’s one thing for me to come out as bi and dating my best friend. It’s another entirely to show up at my sister’s house with not one but two people. I don’t even want to think about what Beckett would have to say about that.

Is Cade worried about any of this? Or is he only thinking with his dick? Is this really only sex to him?

I watch him as he watches her leave. He’s finally dressed—thank fuck—wearing his signature backward Bolts hat, a long-sleeve Bolts shirt, and black athletic pants. She leans in and whispers, and with a growl, he pulls her in, planting his mouth on hers.

“Really?” he mumbles, releasing her.

Once she’s gone, he finally turns around. When he finds me staring at him, he smirks. “Did you really stick a plug in her ass when I was in the shower?”

Chuckling, I head for the kitchen to grab a water. Only after I ate her out and made her come twice. Giving her the journal felt monumental somehow. I freaked out that she’d freak out and decided to go for what works for us: sex.

She definitely didn’t complain.

“She’ll be ready for you tonight.”

With water bottles in hand, I close the fridge, only to find Cade standing beside me.

“You’re gonna let me have her ass?”

I lift a shoulder. “Figure we can break her in with yours.”

Eyes wide, he scoffs. “You trying to say your cock is bigger than mine?”

A lightness I haven’t felt in a while washes through me as we banter. “You had it in your mouth. You tell me.”

The way he laughs, his head falling back, shocked, probably, at my candor, has me smiling and relaxing.

“You know, you’re actually fucking hilarious when you talk.” With a flick of his wrist, he uncaps his bottle. Then he holds it up between us. “You should do it more.”

I take a sip of my water and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “I talk.”

Cade leans against the counter and lifts his chin, assessing me. “To someone other than Liv or Mel.”

I scoff. “I talk to you.”

Lowering his head, he gives it a shake. “Not really.” He roughs a hand over his mouth, thoughtful. “Not for years.”

My stomach twists at the sadness in his tone. “We hang out when you’re in town.”

“Exactly. I come to you, and I talk. You just grunt.”

I twist the cap back onto my bottle, then untwist it and do it again. “Fine,” I say, forcing myself to lock eyes with him. “What do you want to know?”

Cade blinks like he’s confused by the question. “What?”

I open my arms wide. “Floor’s yours. I’m an open book. Ask me whatever you want.”

For a moment, he only surveys me silently. Then his eyes flash. “Mel said something the other day when you were tying her up. About you needing it…”

I should have known he’d have cataloged that, even while turned-on.

He swallows thickly. “Why do you need it?”

Once again, my inclination is to keep this light. To tell him it’s all about sex. Or to growl and tell him I don’t want to talk about it. Or that he misunderstood. Vulnerability is hard for me. Especially with men.

But this is Cade. And just like I can’t imagine ever hurting Melina, the idea of treating Cade like he’s just another friend doesn’t sit well anymore. He deserves more. He deserves the truth.

“Anxiety.”

He watches me, questions swimming in his eyes. He wants a deeper explanation. As much as I don’t want to, as much as I’d like to avoid talking about the past, there’s no way we can move forward together if I don’t. And the idea of going back to just being friends again? It’s untenable.

“It started when I dropped out of college.”

Cade’s jaw ticks. He tries to hide it by scratching at his scruff, but he does a piss-poor job.Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

“It wasn’t because of that night,” I assure him. Maybe I should have told him that a long time ago, but then I would have had to get into things I wasn’t equipped to talk about.

I can’t blame him if he thought I pulled away because of our encounter all those years ago. But if anything, this weekend should show him that it was never about my feelings for him. That I was never uncomfortable around him. I’ve always had some kind of feelings for him. I’m not sure I could have ever put them into words, or that we would have gotten here if not for Melina, but it’s always been there. An undercurrent, a pull, a need to be near him.

Cade nods, accepting my statement at face value. “Then what was it?”

Though I’m racked with nerves and breaking into a cold sweat, I lay it all out there. He deserves to know about it. From the minute I walked into dinner that night at my mom’s house to the moment her boyfriend put his hands on me, I detail every excruciating moment and the extreme shame that came after.

How my life felt out of control until Chief Reilly offered me a job. And friendship.

It didn’t come easy, trusting another man in power. But he was patient and kind. He gave me something else to focus on—this job that I’ve come to love.

“And then he died,” Cade says slowly, like he’s putting all the pieces together.

“Once again, I spiraled. I’d taken a risk, opened myself up, and lost another person I cared about. At his funeral, I couldn’t help but watch Lily, Ben, and Michaela—fuck.” I shake my head, wishing their tears didn’t haunt me. “I’m chief because he died.”

“You’re chief because you’re damn good at your job. And loving people doesn’t always end in devastation, Dec.”

Pain lances my chest. “You don’t know that. We almost lost Melina when that psycho came after her.”

Cade’s jaw goes hard, as if the idea of losing her is just now crossing his mind.

“See?” I say, feeling vindicated.

“I know you’ve lost a lot. And if I ever see the men who hurt you or her, I will likely kill them.” He clenches his fist and takes a deep breath. “You have to know, you’re safe with me. You don’t have to do everything, Dec. You don’t have to be everything for everyone. I’ve got you, and together, we’ll protect Mel.”

My eyes get hot and my nose stings. “I can’t lose our friendship,” I say, rubbing a hand over my face. That fear has plagued me all weekend, even if I don’t regret a thing that’s happened between us.

“You won’t,” Cade promises, his tone fierce.

A small wave of relief hits me, easing my anxiety. I leave it at that, even if more questions swirl in my mind. What if I don’t only want his friendship? What if I want more? Would he be open to it? Because while it may be easy for him to go back to being just friends after this weekend, it would be hell for me.